COSMO Interviews THE PANTIES

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headline2COSMO: So what’s in this next studio release? And we hear you’re working on some original material – tell us what to expect from The Panties in 2016.

Reverend Roy: “Like, on the new stuff we totally changed it up. Normally we cover songs or write tunes about babes, partying, and having a good time. On the new material, we’re writing tunes about having a good time, partying, and babes. See? It’s totally different from what we’re used to doing, and it’s a big risk for us creatively, as musicians, and song writers. But our label is totally behind us. They upped the marketing budget to $40 to get us on Facebook, and shit like that. So, yeah, oh, and we’re huge in Guam.”
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Sugar Ray:  “I don’t mean to be an insensitive dick, but that’s just a stupid question, bro. I mean when The Panties go into the studio, Panties tunes come out. You know exactly what that means and what to expect:  Kick ass songs + Kick ass musicianship + Fun = Awesome Song. And as far as the second part of your stupid question, we’re always working on original material… I mean, we’re freakin’ artists. We create. And they’ll be awesome, too.”

COSMO: What are your thoughts on Axl Rose filling in for Brian Johnson of AC/DC?

Sugar Ray:  “Axl Rose IS an insensitive dick. I’d rather not even speak about him to tell you the truth. He sold out and became a cartoon. Let’s talk about the Panties and my thoughts on them. They’re freakin’ awesome!” [Loudly Laughs and even snorts.]

Reverend Roy: “Dude, it’s frigging hard to keep a band together for 30 years – I mean, like, what the Hell happened to Storch, ya know? [Doug Perry, former bass player hasn’t been seen in over 30 years] Like, sometimes you gotta get rid of people because they move on, or move away, or like their car won’t start. That’s what happened with Petey-Diabetey. He was unavailable for our new releases so we called up some hot Hooters babes to play sticks and keys. But that’s rock-n-roll. Its chicken wings Friday night, its chicken breasts on Saturday night. Yeah baby, dass right, see what I did there? I made a boob joke.”Page3

COSMO: What are your thoughts on the passing of Prince?

Reverend Roy: “So, what? Like the Dave Chappelle ‘Prince?’ Did Chappelle kill him off in a skit or something like that?” [Is told it’s the icon, Prince, and he really did pass away] (Reverend begins sobbing uncontrollably….. then asks if Merle Haggard was still in good health…. demands Extreme Unction.)

Sugar Ray:  “Honestly, when I first heard Prince had died I thought they meant the horse-faced, Prince William. All sorts of things ran through my mind instantly, like, “Cool, hot Kate is single!” and “Holy shit, Harry will be the drunkest King ever!”  When I found out it was THE Prince… well, I gotta tell ya, it brought back a lot of memories. Like the time we hung out with him in ’79 at a shitty hotel bar in Minneapolis. He was just starting out, like us. We had a great conversation. I mean, it was mostly me talking, but it was a conversation nonetheless with him providing giggles, shrugs, and nods for his responses. But get this… as I’m talking to him, this HUMONGOUS lady walks into the bar… I mean like 400 pounds humongous. So, she walks in… and she’s dressed head to toe in all purple. I mean she looked like the world’s largest eggplant. Me and Prince looked at each other and laughed. And, get this… I said, “God damn Princey, no one, I mean NO ONE, can pull off wearing purple head to toe.” He looked at me like he’d just let a glorious fart and just got up and left. I didn’t see him again until he was on MTV several years later. Dressed in, you got it… all freakin’ purple. A thank you note would’ve been nice.”